Flag and Bus

On 15th , i thought that i should be more active and decided to watch some movie . I thought "Harry potter and Order of phoenix " will be fine . PVR was showing it . So i went to Garuda mall .While i was waiting for bus , i saw many children waving tricolor .It was everywhere . every fourth auto had a flag . Many buses had it . and some motorcycles also had it . I was surprised to see so many flags everywhere .

There was a flower show at Lalbagh . Even from bus i can see thousands of people in and around Lalbagh .Because of traffic bus stopped many times and it took me more than two hours to reach Mayo hall .

I know that i will not get ticket for "Chak de India " . But as harry potter was released last month, i was hoping for it . When i reached Garuda mall , i saw that it is Inox and PVR is at Forum . As i was in no mood to travel more , i decided to have lunch there and come back .

But there was one problem , like Abhimanyu i know how to go from my place to mayo hall but dont know how to come back . So after waiting more than half an hour for the bus i decided to do what i do in such situations . i walked up to MG road from where i took the bus . As i had pass, i don't need to worry where the bus will go . Luckily it was going to Shivaji nagar and i know which bus will go from there to my place.

I waited for the bus but it didn't come . Because of traffic i had to wait for more than 2 hours .

So my whole day was spent in waiting for bus and commuting .

So i confirmed what i already know . It is better to enjoy holiday at home sleeping and watching cartoons .

My journey

First time i thought what i wanted to do in my life was when my teacher asked us what you want to become . One of my friend said "Doctor" .Another said "engineer" . When my turn came i said "nothing " .
This answer was ridiculed every time i said it . But it was true . I never give it much thought . I wanted to flow like water singing :

" हम तो दरिया है हमे मालूम है अपना हुनर ,
जिस तरफ भी मुद गए रास्ता हो जाएगा "


I spend weekend reading comics . In evening i love to walk aimlessly . As an aftereffect of comics most of the time i will be lost in fantasy world . Though it was not like this earlier . When i was in school i used to sing poems .Without meaning , without any theme . I will be singing while roaming in Jungle .

And i have realized that this is what i love . No aim , just wandering here and there. Sometimes it rain .I saw people trying to hide under some shop . I don't understand why people don't enjoy rain .

Sometimes when i get tired , i drink a cup of tea. It is a very different experience .Drinking tea and watching people all around you .Everybody busy in his life . Or watching moon and stars .And i remember

" To enjoy your tea you have to be there "

Water Water Everywhere

Saturday was an exciting day . After dinner at 9 , i listened to osho's discourse on Astavakra gita .I was half sleeping , half listening .But at about 11:30 , i though why not talk to someone .So i called Sonam and bored her till about 1:45 .Then it was time to sleep completely .

I was still awake when i felt water .It was raining heavily outside and immediately i know what has happened.Water was coming from outside and soon my room was filled with 1 feet water . My immediate concern was my laptop , so i put it in one of the shelf . Then i though about my mobile , it was already wet and i saved it from getting completely wet .

For about half an hour i kept thinking what to do .There was nothing i can do and it was still raining . I thought about going outside .So i opened my door and i saw some big rats moving towards some safe area . i was scared of them so i closed my door again .But more and more water was coming and so at about 2:45 i decided to go outside . I climbed one of the wall to go to first floor and then used stairs to go to second floor . I did not wanted to disturb anybody , so it took me another 10 minutes to decide what to do .Finally i thought that i should inform my landlord . But he was not there .So i stood there watching the rain at 3 . It was a beautiful scene and i forget about my room .

I saw that someone was at ground floor , so i went there . My landlord's room was also filled with water and they were also thinking about how to get rid of it . So i was not alone .Instead of watching them , i decided to go to my room and sleep . I jumped to one of the higher self , put my laptop and mobile there and slept . Water was at 2 foot level and it was still raining.

As i never sleep before thinking for about an hour , i started thinking about water . It was an interesting example of how life can change at anytime .Just few hours ago i was talking and now my mobile was dead and my room was filled with water . We can never expect what can happen in our life .

I thought of possibility that water will rise more and my whole room will be filled with water .Though it was impossible still i thought about it .Then i started thinking what i will do in such scenario and whom will i call if i know my death is certain . The answer was very easy . I will not call anybody .Why disturb any body's sleep . Slowly slowly i was feeling sleepy and i stopped thinking .

I wake up at seven in morning . Still water was there. But it was about one feet only . As there was no outlet , i know that i will have to do something . Fortunately, bathroom was free of water now , so i started throwing water using a bucket . After one hour all two rooms and my kitchen were back to normal .But it was complete mess . There was lot of mud everywhere . My landlady told me that she will take care of it , so i need not worry about it .

I went for a bath and the for breakfast . When i came back , everything was fine .Though there were lots of clothes to wash .I washed clothes and then decided to complete my sleep . Soon i was lost in my dreams again.

Alone at midnight

How i feel at night ?It is something that i can not express .Sometimes i am so tired after work that all i want is to sleep . and i start dreaming without thinking anything .But mostly i think and think a lot . I dream and dream a lot .

There was a time when i used to think about life and love and some persons . Now there is no need of doing it . Sometimes i do some meditation . I will concentrate on my third eye (ajana chakra ) .And i will sleep while doing it . I will see beautiful dreams and when i will wake up in morning i will be as fresh as a flower . Sometimes i will think about everything i had done that day in reverse order .This is like rewinding whole day . It is also helpful .

There is another thing which i want to do , though i am not able to do . I want to watch my thoughts and see them perishing into dreams . It requires effort and determination and i lack both of them .

I still remember days when we used to discuss about love and life at night . but those days are gone . A moment once gone never comes back . It is of no use thinking or desiring them again . So enjoy a moment when it is .

Death of my loved one - part 1

Two years ago ,something happened in my life which changed a lot of things in my life .I was not able to sleep for some days .Everything I had in my life I lost that day . Since then ,i have seen a lot but when you loose something you loose it.

So what happened that day .?It was a good day . Little cold than usual days . I wake up in the morning .I started my computer . It showed boot error . I thought may be i forget to connect power cable or bus correctly ,so i tried again to connect hard disk . But even after trying for next half hour , i was not able to get past boot error screen.

After spending next 2 hours at my friends computer to check whether it will work there or not and doing all error checking , i realized this :" My hard -disk has crashed " . I know that it has crashed but i refused to believe it for some time . It is law of nature that all hard -disk will crash one day .Still no body thinks that this will happen to his hard -disk .

All softwares , all songs , all games gone in one second . But it was not only for them i was crying .I was crying for my 20 movies that i have stored in my hard - disk . Those movies that i have collected form various pirated CDs and friend's HD . I have stored them safely so that i will watch them when i will have time. For last one year i was collecting movies .Always collecting movies thinking that when i will get time from my studies i will watch them with my friends . But i never got time . All time that i had i spent in collecting movies ,songs ,softwares and games

And what i lost was memories . Memories of my efforts .My collection of songs and software was
something to show others . Whenever a person came to my room .,i always tried to show him all softwares i had , knowing well that he don't know what they are . My hard disk stand for what i was . Now i have lost everything .

I had more than 5000 songs . I have hardly listened half of them .Still i stored them . Why ? Because i can . Because all my friends use to store a lot of songs . I stored songs in various languages . Punjabi , garwhali , tamil ,kumaoni ,bengali etc . Why ? i used to think that one day someone will come to my room and ask me do i have song in this language .And i always wanted to have everything .

I had hundreds of softwares . Most i never used . Some i thought i will use in future .Some i had stopped using .Still i stored them as i did not want to loose them . It was junk for others but for me it was organized .I used to think that one day i will learn flash so i had all flash versions . I had adobe photoshop though i never tried learning it apart from trying to morph aishwarya rai with me .

I had thousands of wallpapers . Wallpapers i have never seen .I know that i will never see them .I will never use them for desktop .Still I stored them . They were collection for me .They stood for my ego .And with crash of my hard disk , my ego crashed .

I spent next two days crying ,thinking and dreaming about hard disk . Every body around me knows that my hard disk has crashed . I don't know how many more days i would have cried if i had not seen this dream .

(To Be Continued )

Living alone

I love living alone . Dreaming and think about this and that . It gives me time to
understand things that are happening around me .

But for last few weeks it has become a problem . Maybe I need change or maybe it is just a phase . But these days I am not living my life . Instead of flowing like water it is drifting slowly and slowly.

Life can be very dull or life can be exciting . It all depends on what you want .Maybe change is all that I want . When you want change in your life , all you need is a trigger . Everything you have built in past few years will change .

A new start , going into uncertainty . That is life . Unknown .. Uncertain ...Fun..