Alone at midnight

How i feel at night ?It is something that i can not express .Sometimes i am so tired after work that all i want is to sleep . and i start dreaming without thinking anything .But mostly i think and think a lot . I dream and dream a lot .

There was a time when i used to think about life and love and some persons . Now there is no need of doing it . Sometimes i do some meditation . I will concentrate on my third eye (ajana chakra ) .And i will sleep while doing it . I will see beautiful dreams and when i will wake up in morning i will be as fresh as a flower . Sometimes i will think about everything i had done that day in reverse order .This is like rewinding whole day . It is also helpful .

There is another thing which i want to do , though i am not able to do . I want to watch my thoughts and see them perishing into dreams . It requires effort and determination and i lack both of them .

I still remember days when we used to discuss about love and life at night . but those days are gone . A moment once gone never comes back . It is of no use thinking or desiring them again . So enjoy a moment when it is .

A step by step first exposure to advaita

copied from orkut :


1. Shishhya: Om namo gurubhyaH (Prostrations to The Guru)

2. Guru : JnAna-vairAgya-siddhir-astu (May you achieve Wisdom and Dispassion)

3. S: I wish the painfulness in the world were unreal.

4. G: What makes you wish so?

5. S: Because I feel the pain.

6. G: Who is this that feels the pain?

7. S: I, myself.

8. G: Did you say ‘yourself’ or ‘your self’?

9. S: What is the difference?

10. G: There is a lot of difference. But please answer my question.

11. S: I don’t see any difference.

12. G: That is the problem; in fact it is a disease called ‘samsAra’.

13. S: I don’t see it as a disease, but I see you are hinting at something. Can you explain?

14. G: Your self is different from yourself.

15. S: I see you are referring to that something called my self, which is not myself ?

16. G: You may better call it your Self, with a capital ‘S’.

17. S: Where is it? I have not seen it or felt it.

18. G: You have never seen it because it is you yourself.

19. S: Just now you said there is a difference between myself and my Self.

20. G: But you said you don’t see any difference.

21 S: So what is right? You are confusing me.

22. G: Good, that is where you have to start. State your confusion clearly.

23. S: What is the difference between myself and my Self?

24. G: One is perishable, the other is not.

25. S: I see. Yes, myself is perishable. But I am not clear why my Self is not perishable.

26. G: You are jumping the line.You have not yet accepted there is a Self other than

yourself.

27. S: I thought you said that my Self is myself.

28. G: It depends on what you mean by the words ‘myself’ and ‘my Self’.

29. S: Are you not playing with words?

30. G: No. ‘yourself’ is what you ordinarily think you are. ‘your Self’ is what you are.

31. S: Then what I am is my Self. Is that right?

32. G: Yes, that is the final teaching of the Upanishads. Better to call it ‘The Self’.

33. S: What difference does it make to my daily life?

34. G: It makes this difference; if you don’t absorb this teaching, you are bound to suffer.

35. S: Are you referring to ‘me’ or , ‘my Self’ – which you are calling ‘The Self’.

36. G: The Self will never suffer; it is you who will suffer.

37. S: I am still not clear why you are making this distinction between ‘me’ and ‘my Self’.

38. G: When I talk to you as ‘you’ I am only talking to you as a body, with mind &

intellect.

39. S: And in the other case?

40. G: I am referring to the Self or the Atman that is permanently within you – not the

body, mind or intellect.



41. S: Is it then the Atman that is leaving the body at death?

42. G: Atman does not leave anything or come to anything.

43. S: Then what is it that leaves the body?

44. G: It is the manifestation of the Atman in the body, that leaves the body.

45. S: Where is this Atman manifested in my body?

46. G: It is not a physical entity that can be assigned a location in the body.

47. S: Then is it in my mind, brain or my intellect?

48. G: In one sense it is in none of these; in another sense it is everywhere.

49. S: How can that be?

50. G: Because without the Atman, neither the mind nor the intellect has any locus standi.

51. S: Why did you now leave out the body and the brain?

52. G:The mind and the intellect are more subtle than the visibly perishing body and brain.

53. S: Even those subtle things (mind and intellect) – can’t they subsist without the Atman?

54. G: No. Without the presence of the Self or Atman, nothing in this world can subsist.

55. S: If nothing can subsist without the Atman, we must be able to feel Atman everywhere.

56. G: That is the point of the teaching. See Atman everywhere.

57. S: How do I see it? Nobody seems to be seeing it?

58. G: This is where the subject of Vedanta comes in.

59. S: So is it the contention of Vedanta that Atman is everywhere?

60. G: It is not just a contention. It is the Truth, the Reality.


61. S: How can it be proved to be the Truth?

62. G: What kind of proof are you looking for?

63. S: Of course, a rational, scientific proof.

64. G: But rationality and science are only products of the mind.

65. S: What is wrong with it?

66. G: Nothing is wrong; but the Truth of the Self is beyond the mind.

67. S: On what authority are you saying this?

68. G: On the authority of the Vedas and Upanishads.

69. S: OK. Let the Truth be beyond the mind; how then do we ever know the Truth of the Self?

70. G: By experiencing it.



71. S: What kind of experience? By the mind? You already said the body is perishable.

72. G: Mind also is perishable, though it takes a longer time. But the perishable mind

serves as a useful tool.

73. S: Tool for what? To know the truth of the Self?

74. G: Yes. The perishable mind has to be used to seek the Imperishable Self.

75. S. There seems to be a logical fallacy here – Perishable thing seeking the Imperishable!

76. G. ‘Seems to be’ – that is right; the logical fallacy vanishes when you go deeper.

77. S: I don’t understand.

78. G: The Perishable perishes in the Imperishable.

79. S: Looks like a conundrum.

80. G: Yes, scriptural statements will look like conundrums. We have to meditate on them.

81. S: I have heard this word ‘meditation’ all the time. Is this what

meditation is all about?

82. G: In one sense, yes. But let us take up the subject of meditation at a later stage.

83. S: Then please explain to me how ‘The Perishable perishes in the Imperishable’.

84. G: Like salt in water.

85. S: Then there would be no more salt. So does the Perishable vanish? Does only the

Imperishable remain?

86. G: You got the point. The mind seeking to know the Truth, effaces itself, and ..

87. S: Becomes the Truth!

88. G: I like students who can comprehend so quickly!

89. S: But the whole thing looks like a made-up mathematical puzzle.

90. G: Puzzle certainly it is. It is the Grand puzzle of Life.



91. S: But I don’t see where all this leads to, in real life.

92. G: Say ‘in the reality of life’.

93. S: In the reality of life, I see pain and suffering all around.

94. G: Also some happiness.

95. S: Yes, happiness also; but happiness is so few and far between that it never surfaces.

96. G: Let us analyse this little happiness before we go to the ‘suffering’ part.

97. S: I am happy whenever I get what I wanted.

98. G: Were you happy when you wanted it?

99. S: Not fully. But I was excited at the thought of my pursuing what I wanted.

100. G: Were you happy before you started wanting it?

To Be Continued ..